Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Outsource Liberalism

What does it say about the strength of the case for modern Liberalism that the mere propspect of someone being allowed to speak against any of its tenets sends Liberals into a frenzy ? Insecure, much ? Still, today's farce gives me an idea.

Truth be told, most Conservatives will admit that, all things being equal, they'd rather not have large chunks of the fauna and flora of this planet go extinct. Where we differ from the idiot faction is that we recognise pious hopes and prayers to Gaia aren't cutting it. The unromantic truth is if we're going to 'save the rainforest' then the best way is to show how we can make it pay. So here's my answer: replace Liberals with chimps.

Think about it: chimps are superb climbers and can make loud shrieking noises - that's practically every Greenpeace protest there's ever been right there. Plus, not only do chimps have better personal hygine, their use of tools indicates far superior reasoning skills than the average Liberal. True, chimps often take drugs, but only as part of controlled experiments, and what's more, chimps never sign off on the sick for six months becuase they're like, totally stressed out.

We need an exchange program, we'll hire our little forest mates, and send Liberals down there to experience the warmth of Gaia's embrace. Three years work should be enough for the average chimp to safeguard his forest forever, while the Liberals will help to enrich the local environment (particularly for the lions).

No comments: