Monday, April 19, 2004

Fifteen Ways Blair Could Get Away With It

Who'd have thunk it ? We'll get the chance to vote on the fate of our nation. Isn't that nice of Blair ? It raises the question of how he thinks he get away with though. Here's my suggestions:

  1. Rely on the awe and universal love in which he is held by the Great British Public

  2. Postpone referendum until the right moment - April 2058

  3. Slogan: Europe - it's somewhere to exile Mandelson

  4. Referendum ballot paper offers choices of Agree or Yes

  5. Persuade BBC to run special serious of educational programs, such as 'If…we don't sign up' , a sober analysis of the effects of voting no, featuring flesh-eating zombie cannibal Nazis.

  6. Allow Lord Chief Justice Woolf and his colleagues at the High Court to provide a really up-to-date definition of 'majority'

  7. Ban showing of war films on TV, in favour of films highlighting successful Anglo-European co-operation in history.

  8. Order historians to find an example of successful Anglo-European co-operation.

  9. Friends in the press will reveal - exclusively - that the head of the 'No' campaign cheated on a maths test 32 years ago

  10. Get Sir John 'Sock Puppet' Stevens to arrange the arrest of 15 million right-wing extremists on election day

  11. Make postal voting compulsory to encourage everyone to participate, not just people who exist

  12. Persuade his father-in-law to let Hitler out on day release, providing he endorses the 'No' campaign while free

  13. Advertise phone number for free tickets to an England game, then when anyone phones up unleash a lethal charge of electricity down the line

  14. Hey, I make this fifteen at least

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