Stores Trashed By Mob, Still Looking Better Than Special Ed

You know you're a liberal if... you're more enraged by a lone banana being thrown on a football pitch than you are by hundreds of bottles being thrown at police officers.

Apparently, while BananaGate demands we look into the dark heart of British football, riots breaking out at a leftist demonstration are just one of them things. In fact, Libs are enraged that anyone could accuse them of supporting mayhem.

See, that's the thing right there: if liberals spent half as much energy condeming the rioters as they do condemning people who condemn their failure to condemn them their condemnations of the ConDems that condemn them wouldn't be so plain contempable.

As it is, they're so angry about the 'slur' that the Labour Party is thinking of convening a special committee to investigate the option of moving towards the possibity of potenial disciplary action for any party members found to have taken part in the violence. Meanwhile, the liberal side of the MSM has started featuring tear-jerking articles about leftists who were at the riot but not with the riot.

In other words, the people who endlessly jibber-jabber about hate speech and 'unconcious discrimination' are now arguing that mentioning their public expressions of support for thuggery is some kind of underhand trick.

It's not as if the thuggery is some kind of wacky byproduct of an otherwise good cause. Labour lost the election, but they still think they should be allowed to implement their agenda anyway. What was noticable about the demonstration was that it didn't seek to advance any coherent cause or point of view, merely to demand that everyone else continue to fork over the cash to Labour's payroll vote or else. If it wasn't any attempt to subvert the democratically-expressed will of the people by intimidation, what was it?

The Great Experiment Goes Bad

I don't think this is what 'Republic' means.

The Rich Are Different

Fatty Johann is shocked that being a waster doesn't always lead to a well-paid job. Naturally, the solution is for everyone else to hand over their wallets and let the government build some kind of 'welfare system'.

See? That's the kind of bold thinking which explains how we ended up with the hard working kids of today as compared to our skivving ancestors.

Or something.

Still, Fat Boy manages to samba round the other elephant in the room. Yes, he was an idle, self-obsessed little brat - rather than now, when he's a very big one - but he managed to pull out of it and become a media-luvvie. And?

The privileged and the pampered have always been able to indulge in self-destructive lunacy confident that their background would protect them from the consequences. What's new since the 1960s has been people like Hari trying to re-brand dysfunctional insanity as morally superior to those conformists squaresville losers, who waste their lives doing actual 'jobs'.

If there's one thing more than any other that afflicts 'disaffected yoof', it's that they've bought into the myth pushed by spoilt rich kids like Hari that screwing up your life makes you a heroic rebel striking a blow against The Man.

Kosovo With Kamels

By my reckoning, the US has now dropped approximately a squillion times more explosive on Libya than Reagan ever did back in the day, without receiving any of the whining from the Usual Suspects.

Of course, Reagan was bombing hapless conscripts wandering round the desert while the Obamamessiah is trying to take out terrorist training camps and Ghaddafi himself...

Wait, that's not right.

Nope, our ever-egalitarian friends on the left are OK with incinerating teenagers but arranging explosive enemas for dictators is simply beyond the pale. That makes no sense, but that appears to be a common problem right now.

Liberals were shocked that President Bush didn't have an exit strategy for Iraq (except for the whole 'winning' thing) but now they've landed us in a war without any actual entry strategy. We've gone to war to support the rebels, but without the slightest idea who they are and what they're trying to do - it's the geo-political equivalent of voting Lib Dem. Meanwhile, the actual tactics appear to be modelled on the British justice system, with force being delivered to targets in exactly inverse proportion to their significance. Imagine the air campaign as the equivalent of those police forces that arrest vicars for hate speech while ignoring honour killings.

Of course, Colonel Ghaddafi has connections to terrorism, sort of like Minister of the Crown Martin McGuiness, and he doesn't enjoy the kind of popular support the guys roaming round eastern Libya with AK47s have. Indeed, polls show 100% of people in areas occupied by people with AK47s support the people with AK47s.

The whole charge sheet against Ghaddafi appears to boil down to the idea that he's being unduly harsh in his treatment of guys rampaging round with AK47s. He's carrying out atrocious atrocities, even though the MSM has had more luck trying to flush out casualties from global warming than a bona fide case of anything Saddam wouldn't do on a slow weekend.

The MSM need to bring back the old crew from Kosovo days - those guys knew how to run with a bogus atrocity story.

Winning!

Inevitable: Charlie Sheen meltdown comedy

Not Inevitable: The identity of the star in the best one.

(Culture) War Is The Answer

There is no better example of the eclipse of the traditional left by liberalism than the sight of Labour councils slashing services to protect non-jobs for their cronies.

If nothing else, it certainly undermines anything Special Ed may say about the supposed greed of the right. But don't except The Dave to make that point. In fact, don't expect him to say anything much at all. It's noticeable that pretty much all the running on exposing labour sleaze has been made by people outside the Tory Party.

No doubt the usual suspects will claim that this was all part of The Dave's brilliant plan, but they won't be able to explain just how this all fits in with Cameronism in the first place. After all, Dave was hailed as a Certified Super Genius for throwing ideology under the bus in favour of touchy-feely, bipartisan consensus. Conviction politics was out, to be replaced by a bold new era of European-style politics where the public had the choice of a left of right of centre party and a right of left of centre one.

Now it turns out that - in a twist obvious to everyone except Professional Conservatives - the left's definition of 'bipartisan' means conservatives agreeing with everything they say. Otherwise all bets are off, hence why Labour councils are passing scorched earth budgets and leftists are explaining that rioting is just a particularly vigorous form of debate.

It turns out that the World's Smartest Man bought a bottle of mineral water to a gun fight. What middle ground are we meant to find exactly with people who deliberately slash services to the vulnerable in an attempt to protect six figure salaries for bureaucrats? Or who claim trying to kill a police officer is just youthful exuberance?

These are the people the conservative movement is meant to be taking on. If they weren't upset, that'd be a real problem. Meanwhile, our allegedly conservative PM is still enraged that somewhere in Britain there are people who don't think the EU is all that.

Prince Andrew Calls For Left To Quit Over Links With Paedophiles

As I understand the left's current position on paedophiles, it's that they should be allowed to move next door to a playground or a primary school, but not hang out with Prince Andrew.

Hey, I'm sure his bodyguards will protect him.

I'm thinking the left may want to think carefully about emphasising that Prince Andy is 'unelected' and 'unaccountable' at the same time as the Supreme Court is busy gutting the Sex Offenders Register.

Consider the full implications of the left's position: the Sex Offenders Register has long been the left's favourite example of how sex offenders are tightly-monitored (and pay no attention to the scouser behind the curtain). Yet now, in so far as the Supreme Court has decided that the Sex Offenders Register isn't allowed to register someone just because he's a sex offender, the left's strategy has been crippled. Now they're prevented from carrying out the monitoring they claim can stop perverts striking again, all down to a handful of leftist philosopher kings on the bench.

Meanwhile, all Andy did was go to a few parties!

Phat Phraud Phails Physics

Obese fabulist Martin Samuels took time out from his busy schedule of making stuff up about attractive women to prove once and for all what we always suspected about hoplophobes:

Clearly, [Ashley Cole] attracts all manner of trouble on too many occasions to be blameless, but to allow any fool to own a firearm that can blind, maim or, if the most unfortunate circumstances combine, even kill is an accident waiting to happen.

Curiously enough though, even plenty of fools understand the difference between a firearm and an air rifle. And no, the law doesn't recognise the concept of 'close enough for government work'.

Yep, I know what you're thinking: he isn't really that clueless, he's just hoping his readers are so he can rile them up with the idea of ethic gentlemen rampaging round the Home Counties with AK47s, but no - he really is that stupid:

There should have to be justification for possession, even for air rifles, because there are a lot of idiots out there and the less access they are given to explosive devices the better for us all.

Anyone who says something that stupid deserves to shot repeatedly with a pellet gun until they can name what exactly the explosive is in an air rifle. Either that or they can explain why a country GP shouldn't be allowed to own an air rifle but the right of a fat fraud to publish bigoted rubbish is a vital bulwark against tyranny.

Bernie Madoff Calls for More Wimmin On Boards

In a stunning rebuttal to everything that the right has ever said about them, femiloons have called for ambitious young women to shun Corporate Britannia and start their own businesses.

I keed, I keed!

As if that was ever going to happen! No, the usual suspects have decided to try and use the power of the state to mau mau real businesses into hiring them for Director of Eqwality Krap non-jobs....

...all of which proves, in and off itself, that men are better than women. We might believe some stupid stuff, but at least men in, say, Liverpool aren't daft enough to believe that forcing BigBiz PLC to put Paul McCartney on their board is going to make the slightest difference to their lives.

But, hey, it's like Harriet Harperson never went away!

Actually, scratch that. At least the switch from feminist hag to snivelling girly man has bought a certain clarity to the process:

Lord Davies, a former boss at Standard Chartered, said recently: ‘If companies don’t take a radical change in attitude, and hire more women at the top, then we will have to introduce quotas.'

He is expected to announce that shareholders and headhunters will be expected to abide by a new code of conduct to look for more women on their boards.

Wait, I thought the finance industry was meant to be evil?

Still, you have to say he does sum up the essential thuggery of the feminist movement perfectly. There's no pretence that it's anything other than a shakedown. It's the exact analogue to business in the Third World where you need to choose the President for Life's brother-in-law as your preferred supplier before you'll get a foot in the door.

Hell, given recent events, companies could end up moving to take advantage of the cleaner business environment in Tripoli.

But that's not the best bit - look who's chief cheerleader for this:

City ‘superwoman’ Nicola Horlick yesterday heaped pressure on the Government by coming out in favour of quotas.....

‘I am not a feminist and, as I say, I believe in meritocracy, but sometimes you have to create rules initially in order to give certain sections of society a chance.’

Yes, that Nicola Horlick!

But it's OK. It turns out that it was the fault of the regulators that Superfemiloon dropped £14 million on a guy whose empire was audited by a tiny firm from the sticks.

Hey, if Lord Mangina gets his way, looks like we'll all be getting the benefits of that kind of leadership.

Geek Baffled By Whole 'Democracy' Thing

C'mon, you know he wanted to say 'Intereferes in' here, right?

These guys are supposed to be pushing back the frontiers of human knowledge but they're still struggling with the mystery of why taxpayers get to decide where their money gets spent. All of which kind of hints at the problem.

They're supposed to be our best and brightest, but it just so happens that out of all the people who know how to do science, none of them turn out to be people who question the idea that the government should just fork over huge quantities of other people's money, no questions asked.

Their minds are open to extreme possibilities, except for the extreme possibility of hiring any conservatives. Just this once, diversity isn't a good thing. Meanwhile, anyone who questions the objectivity of results produced by a political monoculture investigating hot-button issues is clearly some kind of right-wing hack.

The Absolute Moral Authority Of The Amoral

Well, yes, this is all very well, but the real question is surely this: was Brandon Rhode 'warm, funny and blunt' too?

I think we should be told.

I also think we should be told two more things too:

• Just who's paying for Ms Murder's visit to the Sceptic Isle anyway? Would it , by any chance, be Cliff Scummer-Smith (now officially the World's Sleaziest Lawyer)?

• If the company that makes a chemical that's subsequently used in an execution has blood on their hands, how exactly does someone who raises their son as a murderous savage qualify for an Absolute Moral Authority card?

Important PC Update

New rules issued: being crazy enough to be sectioned doesn't mean that you're not perfectly capable of running the country, however any mental condition whatsoever, including but not limited to, Aspberger's, OCD and Arachnophobia, still means that you can in no way be held criminally responsible for your actions in a court of law.


Wait.... suddenly it all becomes clear.

Atrocity Story Goes Bad

The Telegraph is shocked - shocked! - to find out that bank underwriters are taking customer's outgoings into account when calculating how much they can borrow. This would never have happended when that nice Scottish guy was PM.

Unfortunately, even the Telegraph commentors aren't daft enough to fall for this. Read and enjoy the smell of jorno flambé.

Because Liberals Say So

Surely the real question here is why it's barbaric and stupid to believe a therapist can stop a man being attracted to other men, but also barbaric and stupid to believe that a therapist cannot stop a man being attracted to children?

Tungsten Carbide Drills

I can't be the only one who read about the Yazzmonster's heartrending article on the horrors of life as a jounrno-luvvie and instantly thought of this.

But Does Sarah Palin Understand The Offside Rule?

The results are in for the contest to find the stupidest comments about the Andy Gray affair and - shockingly - it's been a clean sweep for the Daily Mail.

Heading up the 'Amateur' category is a thought-provoking article by Kelly Smith - the thought being 'who the hell is Kelly Smith'? The answer apparently is someone who played girl-football or, as she modestly puts it, 'one of the best players in the world'.

Heh. Think that one over. She's one of the best players in the world, providing you exclude the hundreds of millions of better players who are the wrong sex. Her entire claim to fame is that she can compete successfully when men aren't allowed to compete at all, but she's complaining that men aren't welcoming enough to chicks who want to invade the men's game? Hello? I make that Self-awareness 0 Irony 5.

Still, in a sad echo of her sporting career, Kelly's lunacy is completely outshone by a male professional. Yep, proving once again you can take the man out the Guardian, but can't stop him being a huge mangina, Martin Samuels offers this:

This is Karren Brady's point about women being defined solely by gender in football. Nobody would link all male referees in the same way. If Gray held a dim view of Mike Riley, for instance, he would not have presumed the same of Mike Dean, purely because he was also a man called Mike.

Huh? I liked these guys better when they just called everyone Hitler. As it is, this analogy doesn't even make sense on its own terms.

There's no policy to rush anyone called 'Mike' straight up the ladder, we're not being constantly asked to subsidise a whole parallel world of Mike-only leagues, Mike Development Officers and the like, and you can criticise 'Wall Street II' without Michael Portillo demanding you be fired and Michael Buble writing a protest song.

Other than that, it's a perfect fit.

Fat Martin's point is just a more slippery version of the one from Kelly the Fantasist. Women officials will start with a three goal lead, but we all have to congratulate them on scoring a hatrick.

But that's not the best of it. No, as befits a true professional, Mart manages to leave Kelly in the dust and reach whole new heights of humbuggery. Yes, indeed: the Sexist-Finder General just happens to be the same guy who uses bogus quotes to try and smear a real woman of achievement as a bimbo.

Lord Taylor Convicted, BBC Still At Large

And we're still waiting for that apology.

Gravitas

Stop refusing to take her seriously you sexist pigs!

That Ferry Has Already Sailed Jenny........

Via Julie, we find out that leftists in Liverpool are playing the Scouse nationalism card.

Hey, it's like they've never heard of Luciana Berger. Who she? The beyond Cameronesque rich kid who was parachuted into a Liverpool constituency despite not knowing much of anything about the place she supposedly represents - although, on the plus side, her defence that you can't ask a girl a football question at least means Andy Gray's got one supporter in the house.

In fact, she hadn't even been elected before she started giving the finger to the Scouse trash - and folks like Jenny sucked it up and said 'please sir, can I have some more'?

Pretty much the defining feature of a proud and self-confident peoples is that they don't accept being treated as latter-day rotten boroughs by rich families in the capital. In so far as Jenny and pals have no issues with this, they're in no position to lecture anyone else about pride.

....

Oh, and by the way, here's a question for Jenny and the rest of her 'proud Scouser' friends: if the Army was full of people from Hampstead and Dibden Purlieu, would the Guardian still be as keen on its 'All War Crimes, All The Time' coverage?

Sarah Palin: Referee

Hey, just think of those liberal heads exploding!

As I understand it, abortion is a purely personal matter, but taping the private conversations of two guys is perfectly fine. I guess Andy Coulson is in the clear then, after all. On the plus side, maybe if we can convince liberals that Osama Bin Laden works for Sky Sports, they'll let us tap Jihadist communications.

If nothing else though, these two guys have done a bang up job of exposing the humbuggery of the whole Grrrrl Power movement. Up until two minutes ago Karen Brady was the Boadicea of Business. Now suddenly she's a victim.

Then there's the twelve year old referee herself. She got a decision right - see, she is a heroine after all. Also, the Titanic reached its first port of call on schedule.

Call me harsh, but I'm wondering what the reaction would be if we were talking about a 25 year old Premiership official called, say, Julian D'Arcy Cameron, or Rupert Clegg? The same folks defending Referee Barbie would be going ape. Meanwhile, in so far as dad and his lad going to a Premiership match now sets dad back the best part of a hundred pound, can the FA at least start issuing a list of which matches will be referred by greenhorn lesbian Eskimos and which by actual officials?