The fact that the perpetrators are not mentioned in some of these stories leads me to believe that the assailants are 'bearded savages'.
I'm sure it was all really a dispute over whose version of Stayin' Alive' was the best one...
Scoop! Carbon based life forms enacted a commonly-used verb somewhere in the earth's gravity well at some stage in living memory. Details to follow, just after the skiing weather report from the Ninth Circle of Traitors: Bolgia #4.
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