Thursday, April 03, 2008

NUT Lunacy Round-Up

Now the dust is finally clearing - and the pot smoke dispersing - it's time to round up Mick, Roz and Ziggy's annual loonfest.

We were almost lulled into a false sense of security when the conference opened with delegates claiming that weak parents were creating a generation of spoilt kids incapable of being disciplined. Fortunately, normal service was resumed with their general secretary adding this:
Steve Sinnott, the NUT's general secretary, said the commercialisation of childhood is partly to blame since businesses used increasingly aggressive marketing tactics and "pester power".

"Parents are struggling in a commercialised world to deal with poor behaviour on the part of their children and that is spilling over into schools, making it more difficult for teachers to cope with those youngsters,"
See ? It's capitalism's fault that the kids are all bratty. A private equity firm buys up a chain of hotels and all the kids in 3B riot. Well, they do in Steve's bonce, anyway.

Just days later we were finding out that not only were the kids an undisciplined rabble, they were also over-regimented due to the testing regime. It's a mob, but a well-drilled one.

Lunacy Grade: 3 Cheries

Cake Had & Eaten Factor: 2 Camerons

Total: 6

Next up, we had the incoming union president claiming the best way to unscrew state education was to nobble private schools - presumably the same way you can improve your cooking by shooting Jamie Oliver.

To his credit, Greenshields didn't even try and cloak his thuggery behind the usual blather. Well, either that or he thinks it's self-evident that the reason why Hell St Comp is so awful is because the rich kids are using up all the good education. Actually, given who elected him, I'm going with option two. It's not like the NUT have ever hidden their deranged hatred of the independent sector.

Lunacy Grade: 10 Cheries

Cake Had & Eaten Factor: 1 Camerons

Total: 10

In possibly the high point of the conference, the NUT took on the Army - although disappointingly not in the literal sense. The NUT's complaint was best summed up by this guy:
Paul McGarr, a teacher from east London, said only when recruiting materials gave a true picture of war would he welcome them into his school.

These would have to say: "Join the Army and we will send you to carry out the imperialist occupation of other people's countries," Mr McGarr said.

"Join the Army and we will send you to bomb, shoot and possibly torture fellow human beings in other countries.
So let's have no more talk of how teachers are agenda-driven kooks. Still, this set me to thinking: in so far as soldiers are apparently a bunch of gullible dunces brainwashed into becoming steroid-crazed savages roaming the world randomly raping, killing and torturing, how come these murderous zombies manage to bamboozle the kids so easily ? Surely that raises questions about the quality of education these kids are getting ?

Then again, teachers aren't against all forms of killing. The kids might not be mature enough to decide to join the army, but they still have the right to make certain other choices. Thank Gaia there's no chance of a girl being left 'possibly injured or mentally damaged' by an abortion at fourteen!

Ditto, as recent events have reminded us, the teachoids don't mind the right sort of propaganda. Apparently, it's no to 'Saving Private Ryan', but yes to 'Shaving Ryan's Privates'.

Lunacy Grade: 10 Cheries

Cake Had & Eaten Factor: 3 Camerons

Total: 30

By this stage even the mildest of us must have been wondering if these people weren't all stark raving mad. Answer: yes:
Drug addiction, eating disorders and obsessive behaviours are common among teachers, a union says.
Some of us would suggest that driving the average teacher to drugs is like driving a fish to swimming. Still, that's not even the best of it:
Tens of thousands suffer under the pressure of excessive work, classroom monitoring and inspections, it says.
Yep, it's all our fault for sadistically insisting on ensuring they're doing the job for which they're paid. It's kind of a Heisenberg deal: they teach brilliantly, but only when we're not allowed to monitor them. I guess all we can do is give them a huge sack of cash and hope for the best.

Lunacy Grade: 6 Cheries

Cake Had & Eaten Factor: 1 Camerons

Total: 6

Talking of huge sacks of cash, the NUT managed to squeeze in the annual 'Insane Pay Demand'. A mere 10% pay rise this time round.

Lunacy Grade: 7 Cheries

Cake Had & Eaten Factor: 1 Camerons

Total: 7

And finally.... a back-flip of industrial proportions. The NUT called for more religion in state schools. So the Army can't recruit in schools, but Al-Quaida might be able to. And this from the folks who rant about the eeeevil fundies whenever the topic of faith schools comes up.

Of course, it's all just another way to nobble the opposition, and quite a smart one in its own way. The NUT has worked out that if everything's special, nothing's special. So instead of militant atheism, they're going to argue that all religions are just super, from Animism to Zoroastrianism. Either way, you end up with a big blob of post-modern relativistic gunk.

The trouble for the NUT is the number of atheist parents desperate to get their kids in faith schools. It can't be the God thing that does it. I 'll take a shot in the dark and say that maybe it's the contrast between the ethos of the average faith school and the nihilistic mess of schools dominated by stoners ranting about imperialist occupations.

Lunacy Grade: 8 Cheries

Cake Had & Eaten Factor: 3 Camerons

Total: 24


So there you have it. That was the collective wisdom of a bunch of collectivists. And what have we learned from Britain's teachers ? Evil rich people are screwing up education, and we need to give teachers a huge pay rise. Faith in schools is good, but faith schools are bad. The kids are over-indulged brats incapable of being disciplined, but we can't check how well teachers are doing because that'll drive them crazy. You can show 'Brokeback Mountain' in schools, but not 'Heartbreak Ridge'.

Say, anyone know why so many new parents suddenly remember they're Catholic ?

No comments: