I've Got 'Wish I Was In Stockholm Syndrome'

While Sweden is open for business, we're all still chained to the radiator in Matt Hancock's cellar. 

What's worse, some weasels even lobbied for the latest set of restrictions:

Mayor of Liverpool Joe Anderson has called for a 'circuit breaker' or stricter lockdown to stop the spread of the virus.

He told The Daily Telegraph last night: 'For me, it is only a matter of time because the virus isn't able to be controlled in the city with the restrictions we have now.  

'We need a circuit breaker or stricter lockdown to try to stop the virus spreading.

 

 

Yep, this guy:

I know what you're thinking but no, it was actually his brother who was strangled by Princess Leia. 

At least we've found one guy who might actually get some protection from corona through wearing a Boris Burka - just as long as he keeps it on all day. 

I'm guessing it makes sense though: virtue signalers are almost uniformly amoral scum, so why wouldn't a health nazi be a physical wreck? 

You know you're a leftist when... you're worried about your health so you want everyone else to change their lifestyle. 

Joe is fat so the rest of us have to stay indoors - but at least we'll be safer there, right?

Oops. 

No, my bad! Turns out the sunlight/Vitamin D thing has been debunked by research. And when I say 'research' I, of course, mean 'no research at all'.

So, for those of you keeping score at home, HMG is lobbing huge amount of cash at various megacorps to trial dubious new technologies, but they can't spare pennies in the pound to check out a perfectly safe, easily available, potential treatment.

Like I keep saying, it's not a 'conspiracy theory' if it's something they're actually doing.

Also, I'm starting to think we owe Captain Edward Smith a posthumous apology. At least he only hit the iceberg once. If Captain Hancock had been on the bridge, the Titanic would have been bouncing round like a pinball.  

Meanwhile, in das Reich, they're trying something else. Remember how a lot of the early cases were people who'd shared private jets, chalets in ski resorts or the like?  In other words, places with very little actual air flow? The Germans do, hence why they're trialing a whole new technology, called a 'window'. 

It's not as daft as it seems. Infection not only requires exposure to the virus, but exposure to enough of the virus over a short time (think of it as needing a high enough dose). In fact, I'm sure our government will soon go the same way, just as soon as they can work out a way to give BAe Systems a one billion pound contract to develop smart windows connected to the internet. 

Right now though - not being liberals - we're free to do this stuff for ourselves: don't eat like a pig, maintain a balanced diet, get out in the open air as much as possible, and keep a good airflow if you must stay inside. 

You know, sort of like your mother always told you to do. In fact, one might even say this kind of knowledge was the accumulated wisdom of generations of our ancestors on dealing with this sort of thing. 

Say, wasn't there an organisation that used to support this kind of thing? Some kind of group for conserving traditional values? 

Beats me: I'm stuck down here, chained to the radiator, with Matt Hancock screaming that I put the muzzle on my face or I get the hose again. 

Burka Nation

Nope, that's not a fair analogy: a burka is a face-covering inspired by superstitious nonsense whereas Boris-Burkas are worn so that viruses will get blocked by a single layer of cotton...

You know, just like how you can keep wasps out of your back garden by putting up a barbed wire fence.

Really, it's nothing at all like a religious cult in any way whatsoever. 

Besides, you can trust dot gov - look how well their other great ideas work.

Some say this is all down to the collapse in actual, real, religious faith. If this life is all that there is, then the fear of death leads our weaker brethren to worry too worry about maximising the years in their life not the life in their years.

Well, maybe, maybe not, but this is where I came in. We're supposed to sneer at our crazy pants ancestors and their religious hang-ups but I note even Henry VIII didn't insist on muzzling the whole population. Ditto, Queen Mary, Cromwell and James II.

True, Churchill did briefly consider requiring citizens to carry - not wear - their gas masks  everywhere but he dropped the idea as stupid and unworkable.

BTW, that was in time of war and involving specialised respirators proven to work against the putative threat. Meanwhile we're into week fifteen of a three week lockdown, so all things considered this case is more like demanding people in 1952 carry round an emergency ukulele at all times.

Well, either that or this.

Come to think of it, if we replaced all cars with unicycles that would probably save a few lives too. And you know the rule: If it saves one life....

And then there would be that other benefit too if we implemented Operation Unicycle. I can't help noticing that the Maskerbators will do anything to cut down on the risk from Wu Flu except the one thing actually proven to cut the risk.

Look at this tosser. 

Hey, Brains Trust, the only way the mask is going to keep you safe from the Kung Flu is if it stops you eating that garbage.

But no: you can tell what really motivates by what they do, not what they say. They'll virtue signal and they parade round in their regalia as members of the New Woke Order but actually swerving lunch or lifting some weights? That would take actual..... effort. I mean, it would also make them safer, but screw that.

Apparently, Covid 19 is a huge threat, but not one of those ones where you take any action to protect yourself from it.

That's my deal: I'll take these guys seriously if every time they preach the importance of making sacrifices to Hoodonia, the God of Masks, they drop and bang out twenty push ups.

Hey, I'm old enough to remember when we worried about totalitarian governments wanting to gag the press, not the entire country (but BTW, what are odds that there will be an exemption for media employees)?

Just to be sure though, the sight of the MSM pushing ludicrous regulations that they themselves will evade should in no way reduce your respect for the watchdog media.

That's the real point right there. As a wise man - me - once said: they hate you. The political establishment get off on  rubbing the public's nose in  it. They think it's hilarious to make previously free citizens shuffle into the store gagged like gimps and they'll think it's even funnier once they manage to victimise a few rebels.

Hey, at least it's better than their previous stunts, like protecting rape gangs or letting terrorists walk free, so there is that, but the basic impulse is all the same.

What can we do about it short term? Nothing much, except to ditch all this talk about 'bringing the country together'. There is no country any more and these people are not our fellow citizens in any meaningful sense because, again, they hate you and they want you to suffer. The least we can do is return the favour.

Those Tory Cuts....

Looks like things have got so bad they're having to focus on the bare essentials.

And, no, it isn't just a bit of fun:

Under the £75,000 initiative, 3,600 Sure Start children’s centres will be sent LazyTown-branded activity packs including recipe ideas and a sticker chart

It's like all the worst ideas from Nu Labour are converging into one big ball of stupid.

The Elite In Retreat

Can't say I'm as worried as this guy by the whole nudge thing, and not becuase I don't agree that it is plenty Orwellian. Try this quote for nudge in a nutshell:

By 2050—earlier, probably—all real knowledge of Oldspeak will have disappeared. The whole literature of the past will have been destroyed. Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Byron—they'll exist only in Newspeak versions, not merely changed into something different, but actually contradictory of what they used to be. Even the literature of the Party will change. Even the slogans will change. How could you have a slogan like "freedom is slavery" when the concept of freedom has been abolished? The whole climate of thought will be different. In fact there will be no thought, as we understand it now. Orthodoxy means not thinking—not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness

Kablooey!

True, on paper, a state pouring resources into attempted mind control is a terrifying prospect, but in reality..... Charlie Gilmour!

Seriously, check out one of the flagship ideas: musical steps. Run to the hills everybody!

Of course, none of this is to minimise the danger, but it's not all bad news. After 13 years of frontal attack, these people are now admitting that they can't win in the marketplace of ideas and have to lie about what they believe. It's just further proof that liberalism can only ever advance by force or fraud.

FAT SWAT

The government's decision to send outreach workers from the Minstry of Strength Through Joy nurses out to harass people guilty of Category 5 Fat Crimes gets even weirder.

Yep, unannounced visits. So PC Plod has to check with 'comunnidee leaders' before taking down Bin Laden's hideout, but having Frau Flick of the Health Gestapo suddenly hammering on some fatties' door is just ducky. Priorities!

The DLF: Our Time Has Come

Regular readers will know that one of my dearest ambitions is to become a victim, and now it seems my dream is coming true. The trouble is it seems like a 'monkey's paw' deal. Victimhood is within my grasp but, staggeringly enough, my fellow passengers on the gravy train all turn out to be loonies.

In the comments to this post, JulieM correctly notes the Telegraph's spectacular double entendres, but actual comedy can't compete with this level of sheer weirdness.

As the WALL-E controversy hit the headlines, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (Naafa) was last week holding its annual convention in Los Angeles, a celebration of so-called "flabulous figures", seminars on fat discrimination, a fat fashion show, podgy pool parties and entertainment from weighty singing group The Fatimas.

OK, so that's merely eccentric, but it soon tips over into full-on hustling:

Fighters for fat rights are calling for legislation to ban weight discrimination in the workplace, denouncing airlines that demand they buy two seats and car manufacturers whose seat belts are too small.

Yes, it's a real mystery why it's so hard to find a seatbelt with real freedom of movement, although not as much of a mystery as why employers are reluctant to employ folks who are just enraged! by having to buy two tickets just because they occupy two seats.

They are also battling doctors who won't treat patients who refuse to lose weight and companies that won't insure them.

Now is that just the perfect summation of modern life or what ? Being a bloater brings health risks, so clearly the answer is to sue your doctor.

Actually, this seems to be a common theme:

Miss Wann (41 years in age and 20 stones in weight) is America's best known fighter for fat rights. She developed her motto - "free your ass and your heart and mind will follow" - and a magazine called "Fat!So?" after being turned down for health insurance because she was "morbidly obese".

Yep, she gets told she's on Guest List for intensive care, so she starts a magazine to protest against people warning her that she's going to suffer hideous health problems.

You just know that in a parallel world she's suing her doctor for not warning her about her health problems, right ?

Anyway, none of that matters. In a completely unpredictable move, my fellow sumos are claiming that calling fat people fat is just like The Racism!

Miss Wann said the film company would never have considered stereotyping black people "dancing a jig" in the way they have done so with fat people.

She added: "Pixar should be out of business for portraying this level of prejudicial bigotry-mongering. These are 19th-century hatreds repackaged in modern animation. It's amazing."

Haven't blacks suffered enough without being conscripted by every goofy victim group out there ? Besides, the tubby whiners could probably do with some healthy, outdoor exercise like picking cotton.

I don't want to be pushed up against a thin passenger sitting next to me any more than they wants to be pushed up against me," she said. "But the seats keep getting smaller. I don't need all of the chairs in coach to be available to fatties in a comfortable way but I do think fat people have the right to interstate and international transportation just like everyone else."

Yes, and they have the right to pay for it too.

This next bits even weirder:

Fatima Parker, UK spokesperson for the International Size Acceptance Association..

No, not just that.

Fatima Parker, UK spokesperson for the International Size Acceptance Association says the government ought to campaign against "anti-fat" attitudes as much as obesity.

"Fat discrimination is even worse in this country than in the US because you see more big people and hear their voices over there," she explains.

This is certainly true.

"Fat people here are constantly told that we are failures: as people, as parents, as role models."

Ms Parker's argument is that overweight people are less likely to become morbidly obese, if they are allowed to feel comfortable about their bodies. She believes derogatory language and stereotypes about fat people as greedy will only make them eat more.

Yes, the only way to discourage bad behaviour is to accept it. It works so well everywhere else.

Hmmmmm.... doesn't that mean the way to discourage people from abusing the gravitationally-challenged is to encourage them to 'feel comfortable' about screaming abuse at the lardy ?

"On TV shows such as You Are What You Eat and The Biggest Loser, we are made out to be disgusting and less than human - called cows and whales.

It's hardly going to make me go and eat carrots and run around the garden.

"I would rather have cancer or diabetes than serious depression about how I look."

And thus was crushed the stereotype of human zepplins as slow-witted hysterics.

But that really is the crux of the argument. Leaving aside the more hysterical health nazis, no one disputes the right of these people to stage dive into the dessert trolley. It's just that freedom doesn't usually mean forcing over airlines to give free seats away, and banning people from calling things what they are. What these people really want is the right to live an insane lifestyle without consequences.

Actually, my real problem with it all is this: these people consume way too much food and so they claim victimhood. What about those of us who got fat through consuming non-solid energy sources ? How come no one ever takes out an onion for us persecuted drunks ?

Maybe that could be my breakthrough into victimhood: the Drunk Liberation Front. It's an idea who's time has come.

Inspirational Literature For The Left

OK, it's well past time we settled accounts with the Itzavirus Squad. Remember, spare the rod, spoil the doctor. Or, to put it another way, I prescribe an injection of lead to be taken intracranially.

Actually, thinking about it, it looks like the left has stopped even trying to hide its true nature. Look at this bit:

Among his suggestions are a proposal for a smoking permit, which smokers would have to produce when buying cigarettes, an "exercise hour" to be provided by all large companies for their employees and a ban on salt in processed food.

You know, I'm sure I've heard that somewhere before....

‘Thirty to forty group!’ yapped a piercing female voice. ‘Thirty to forty group! Take your places, please. Thirties to forties!’

Winston sprang to attention in front of the telescreen, upon which the image of a youngish woman, scrawny but muscular, dressed in tunic and gym-shoes, had already appeared.

‘Arms bending and stretching!’ she rapped out. ‘Take your time by me. One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four! Come on, comrades, put a bit of life into it! One, two, three four! One two, three, four!...’

...

The instructress had called them to attention again. ‘And now let's see which of us can touch our toes!’ she said enthusiastically. ‘Right over from the hips, please, comrades. One-two! One-two!...’

Winston loathed this exercise, which sent shooting pains all the way from his heels to his buttocks and often ended by bringing on another coughing fit.
‘Smith!’ screamed the shrewish voice from the telescreen. ‘6079 Smith W.! Yes, you! Bend lower, please! You can do better than that. You're not trying. Lower, please! That's better, comrade. Now stand at ease, the whole squad, and watch me.’

A sudden hot sweat had broken out all over Winston's body. His face remained completely inscrutable. Never show dismay! Never show resentment! A single flicker of the eyes could give you away. He stood watching while the instructress raised her arms above her head and — one could not say gracefully, but with remarkable neatness and efficiency — bent over and tucked the first joint of her fingers under her toes.

‘There, comrades! That's how I want to see you doing it. Watch me again. I'm thirty-nine and I've had four children. Now look.’ She bent over again. ‘You see my knees aren't bent. You can all do it if you want to,’ she added as she straightened herself up. ‘Anyone under forty-five is perfectly capable of touching his toes. We don't all have the privilege of fighting in the front line, but at least we can all keep fit. Remember our boys on the Malabar front! And the sailors in the Floating Fortresses! Just think what they have to put up with. Now try again. That's better, comrade, that's much better,’ she added encouragingly as Winston, with a violent lunge, succeeded in touching his toes with knees unbent, for the first time in several years'.

The One Law Liberals Always Pass

Now, this is just too beautiful for words!