Lucy Lockdown Totally Won't Pull Freedoms Away This Time Charlie Brown

If you were watching TV tonight you’ll have had the chance to see professionals at the top of their game do what needed to be done under difficult conditions – unless you foolishly turned over from the football and watched the clown show at No 10 instead.

Honestly, at this point I’m so jaded I can’t even remember which of the Doom Brothers is the actual Prime Minister. Whitty or Vallance? Who cares? They’re basically clones anyway.

Nope, my mistake: it’s actually the Blonde Bumshell that’s PM, so basically the job of balancing the scientific advice – we’re all going to die -  with the wider needs of the country falls to a guy who hasn’t yet mastered use of the condom.

I take it all back: we are doomed!

At least we’re doomed unless we have a lockdown – you know kind of like the three week lockdown we had from March until July, except more so. It’s kind of a Spinal Tap lockdown this time – it goes to 11 so it’s bound to be better.

It turns out Lockdown 1.0 wasn’t a True Lockdown, in fact True Lockdowns have never been tried… sort of like communism, except under communist systems you have to queue to get into the shops, you can only buy the bare essentials once you’re in there and the media is a mere government mouthpiece endlessly parroting the party line even if they were saying the complete opposite the day before.

So, you know completely different.

Honestly, at this point we may as well have elected Dear Ol’ Jezza. True, there’s the whole ‘anti-Semitic lunacy’ thing but given how much effort 77 Brigade is putting into pushing the meme that the lockdowns would totally have worked except for evil rebels, it can only be a matter of time before the Government starts ranting about sabotage by either the Kulaks or the Jews – and given no one knows what a Kulak is, it’s not looking good for Maureen Lipman.

Apparently, BoJo is pushing his own version of the Third Way: all the downsides of Marxism but with Crony Capitalism too!

On the plus side, BoJo has generously held out the olive branch of allowing people to celebrate Christmas relatively normally – and, seriously, isn’t this why everyone votes Conservative? They want a government with a laissez faire approach to Christmas Dinner?

This is how far we’ve fallen since 1990: from freeing people to decide which school Junior goes to, to freeing people to decide who to invite for Xmas lunch.

At this point, I like to think the delay in the press conference starting today was down to BoJo being like Professor Gill in the infamous Star Trek episode 'Patterns of Force' with Matt Hancock desperately trying to get him stoned enough to come out with this garbage (also, that does mean some passing aliens might take pity on us and intervene. After all, the Prime Directive only holds for vibrant, living cultures and we sure aren’t that anymore). 

And that’s not the worst of it. The Usual Suspects – hello 77 Brigade – are busy pushing the line that the only problem with our three-week March-July lockdown was that it finished too early and allowed the virus to spread in ‘Eat Out To Help Out’ August.

So, you know, what’s coming next!

New Year, New Lockdown!

They’re not even hiding it. Look at this:

 I am confident we will feel very different and better by the spring

‘Feel very different and better’?

Seriously? That’s their offering: ‘you’ll get used to it’.

Apparently, you’re a conspiracy nut if you wonder what exactly they mean when they talk about a ‘New Normal’ and ‘The Great Reset’ but, BTW, expect the government to be regulating who you can have stop by for tea ad infinitum.

That’s how effective lockdowns are! You just need to keep them in place for ever and everything will be fine! Or maybe not. Who knows? Who cares? Not BoJo, and not Whitty or Vallance, or any of the MSM drones. They’re making out like bandits, the rest of you can go to Hell.