Patsys On Parade

The biggest problem with the whole Nu Tory A-List project isn't that it meant purging the ranks of many committed conservatives. It isn't even the way it tacitly accepted, and even exploited, the Balkanisation of British society into mutually antagonistic interest groups. No, the worst offence is that it strikes at the heart of our system of government.

The separation of powers demands a strong legislature ready and able to hold the executive to account. Doubtless the Cameroonatics would claim that under the enlightened leadership of the Ayatollah Khameron, there will be no need for archaic traditions like checks and balances. For the rest of us though it's fair to ask if, in so far as the Tories have been packing their candidate list with a 1970s disaster movie array of stereotypes, doesn't that mean we risk a weak legislature at the time when it's needed most ?

Answer: yes.

It is a mistake to assume that modernising Tory candidates are closely attached to Team Cameron. They are more likely to be independent, even lonely, spirits, taking advantage of the ideological vacuum at CCHQ to concentrate on local initiatives or single issues. No doubt some candidates would like to be more closely associated with Cameron. But he is a strangely inaccessible figure, even by the standards of political leaders. The candidates I met did not refer to 'David': they called him 'David Cameron' or just 'Cameron'. Membership of Team Cameron is pretty well closed these days, even to the most desirable recruits.

Translation into English:

Dammit, Sumita,we've given you the 'Hindu chick with one leg' slot, so sit down, shut up and enjoy it, and if we need anyone to deal with vindaloo or artificial limbs, we'll be sure to give you a call.

Or, to put it another way, if your local Tory PPC is a lesbian, ex-drug addict, singing nun, forget it: she'll have about the same political influence as the paperboy.

Hey, for all the supposed horrors of the olde times right, once a memeber of a victim group actually got elected, he was treated as an MP, not as a mere token.

It interesting to note just who the advance guard of the new order actually are. Shaun Bailey sounds great as ever, but that rather rams home the point. Surely - revisionist nonsense to the contrary - a guy like that would always have been a natural candidate, and on merit too, rather than as the beneficiary of a sleazy victimhood spoils system.

But check out the other two. There''s Dr David Bull, stylishly dressed medic....

Hey, that's not me - he brings it up himself and, come to think of it, it is just about the only way in which Dr Diversity is anything other than just another media luvvie.

Sure, being opposed to dirty hospitals is a fine cause but how do we fix it ? No one actually thinks MRSA is cute and we should have more of it, but how to get rid? More choice ? Bring cleaning services (back) in-house ? Make chief executives personally liable ? What exactly ?

Incidentally - for the benefit of the Telegraph - I'd like the record to show the Victorian reformers used their own money, not the taxpayer's. Ditto, with swords, oak leaves and gold clusters, Bull's remarks on HIV. He doesn't blame the government for people getting AIDS ? Well, quite, but just because you emphasise that you don't think the state should bear full responsibility for the spread of STDs, doesn't necessarily make you a small government conservative (besides, I thought the idea was to get government out of the bedroom) ?

Then there's Oxbridge girl. She is a gritty two fisted brawler, except when she's blindsided by a tricky question like where all the money comes from, in which case she’s Spluttery McSpluttery. So she's just who we need to hold the Executive's feet to the fire.

Hey, it's great that media luvvies and Oxbridge graduates finally have a voice in this country, but with a prospective head of government who is just about ready to disestablish the Church of England in favour of worship of himself, I'd rather have somewhat more robust folks watching the store.

Indeed, the most notable thing in the article is how obnoxious Cameron truly is.

Off the record, people kept alluding to the sheer rudeness of Team Cameron in its day-to-day interactions with party members….

'Dave's got lovely posh manners for old dears - "Thank you for having me!" - but in private his manner reeks of entitlement,' says an (equally posh) Oxford contemporary.

Entitlement, meh ? Who'd have thunk it ?

A leading Tory commentator talks about Cameron's repertoire of put-downs. 'People will stick out their hand to shake his, and he'll walk past, leaving them clawing the air and feeling utterly humiliated. Andy Coulson was brought in to stop him doing that sort of thing, but there's a long way to go. Tory members would have died in a ditch for Thatcher, but they won't do so for Team Cameron. Wait and see how much trouble that causes, come the election.'

Hallelujah! At least some of the drones are finally starting to answer the clue phone, but in so far as the Tories had to hire a guy to try and stop Cameron being obnoxious to his own supporters, I don't think there is a lot down for the rest of us once he's installed as Supreme Being - and that goes double if Parliament is to be reduced to diversity theatre.