That's Not What 'Random' Means

Friends, I thought the day would never come but here it is - I finally feel some sympathy for civil servants. 

Sometimes even I have to admit that their job can be impossible. Take the report that's finally come out re: the guy who went on a knife rampage. 

You remember.... the guy who went on a knife rampage in the Midlands.

No, not that, the one in Birmingham. 

Anyway, they've done a report into this case and the answer is....

Can you guess?

McLeod was known to be a violent offender and Ms Hunt said agencies had failed to communicate effectively and had not prepared properly for his release from prison.

Yep, MOAR MEETINGS!

Of course, preparation is kind of difficult when you can't acknowledge what you're preparing for. 

The BBC shows us two of the victims but not the other five - they're Victims Of No Appearance apparently. Say, I wonder if they have anything in common with the two guys shown? 

Nope, it's was all 'random' apparently - which is the line they were taking long before they even started on the report. 

Hence my feelings of sympathy. It must be hard to do a threat assessment for Fantastic Mr Fox when you're not allowed to use the words 'chickens' or 'hen house'. 

BSc MONA Studies

Is this not the most perfect example of modern policing you've ever seen?

How about a bit less emphasis on 'feeling safe' and more on actually being safe? But no, wandering wound with a guy in a blue body suit is one thing, but actually releasing useful information is a little.... controversial.

Mental case of No Appearance?

Hey, as the left always say, I'm just 'asking questions'.

Besides, I always like the way the left will effortlessly throw one lot of baby seals overboard as soon as some group higher up the Victimhood Scale is threatened. The left has spent years sneering at anyone crude enough to suggest that an off-meds schizo with a machete could possibly be 'dangerous'. Now suddenly it turns out that crazy is as crazy does. Loons, hey?

Don't ask what type of nut she was, or what particular form of madness could possibly have driven her to do what she did. The offender was nuts, hence she did nutty things, that's all you need to know.

Of course, this is all guesswork, but I can't help noticing we also have a sighting of the rare, yet increasingly common, VONA too. You have to google the original reports to find out that the victim was not, in fact, Somalian.

Markers of No Appearance

This is bizarre!

Burglars leaving marks for each other? Who knew Lefty and Fingers had such a trade union spirit? It's not like there's a whole community of felons travelling round the country, is there?

The Van Was White....

And that's as much info as the MSM is prepared to let us know about events in Cardiff. Other than that, we need to go to Standard Operating Procedure for Men of No Appearance related events, and start reading between the lines... like the BBC's reference to 'community leaders'... no doubt a reference to the Church of Christ the Delivery Guy. On the plus side, the BBC does reassure us that:

Supt Julian Williams, of South Wales Police, said: "This is a tragic incident that has affected a large number of people, and we thank the people of Cardiff for their help and support. "Incidents like this are extremely rare here, as they are across south Wales, and we want to reassure the public that a significant number of officers are working on the investigation, including a number of specialist resources."

Hey, what kind of specialist resources, Jules?

Jules? 

Guess we'll never know. At least it's just a series of hit and runs... despite what those nutters in the VRWC will try and convince you.

In one attack a couple pushing a pram were targeted and the baby was tossed into the air by the impact, landing several feet away. In another, the driver got out of the vehicle to club two men with a steering wheel lock at a petrol station forecourt before getting back into the van and driving off, running over two women over as he sped away.

Then again, that is from notorious right-wing rag, the Independent, so who knows? It's not like you can get a good look at a guy while he's beating two blokes senseless on a station forecourt. If only there was some way of recording what happened then playing it back at a later date...

Usual disclaimer follows: it could just a guy called David Jones, driven mad by the lousy weather, but after decades of brutal violence by members of the Men of No Appearance gang, I think we're entitled to be a little sceptical about reports of violence by 'men' (and that goes double where the MSM is trying to convince us that attacking guys with steering locks counts as a 'hit and run'). Either way, next time the MSM warns us about the threat to a free press from naughty old Brian Levenson, bear these reports in mind for an example of how the press deals with contentious issues right now.

Men Of Nightclub Attacks

Not sure clubbing it isn't haaram, but it's a sign of the times when you get more detail in the horoscopes than on the news pages.

Question D'Jour

Deliberate or not? An almost textbook example of the Men of No Appearance school of reporting is unfortunatly marred by the revelation that these mysterious 'youths' were shouting 'get the whities'.

Dang! Don't you just hate it when that happens?

Riot In Tottenham, No Blondes Involved

Yes, apparently, it's a Mob of No Appearance, with absolutely no defining characteristics whatsoever, although it's certain they were provoked into by da cutz.

Hey, I'm not an economist, but I'm pretty sure shooting gunmen is pretty much fiscally neutral.

Still, let's check the scorecard here: two references to her work in 1500 pages prove Melanie Phillips caused the Oslo massacre, but there's no connection between outbreaks of mass lawlessness and a wider environment where a Labour MP coming out in defence of the vital human right to shoot at police officers without consequence is treated as a perfectly reasonable position.

Authorities Do Not Yet Have A Motive Clue

Interesting Philosophical Question: do these people come out with this brand of garbage because they're stupid enough to believe it, or just because they think we are?

If Only The Men of No Appearance Liked Poetry....

Given that we now know just about everything about the increasingly less suspicious suspect in the Joanne Yates case, even down to his taste in literature, at least that's pretty much killed off the excuse that the law forces the MSM to produce crime reports stripped of any mention of actual criminals.

Hey, if it's legal to have Professor Louis D'Crus on to talk about how the suspect's taste in fine wine makes him just like Harold Shipman, I think the MSM can stretch to mentioning a few details about a guy who guns down a cop in front of twenty witnesses.

Penguin Slashes Cop

Wait... no, my mistake, turns it was a 'man'. Must have used one of these long-range knives so no one got a good look at him, either that or..... it's another attack by the infamous Men of No Appearance gang.

(H/T to anonymous in the comments)

It's The 'Not Flying At All' Squad

Hmmmmm..... 'Asians' you say? Best start making door to door enquiries down Chinatown.

But check out the date of the attack versus the day details were released. Must have had a broken photocopier, right?

Miss Of No Appearance

Sounds like another Eskimo to me.

Man of No Affiliation

Guy who tortured cute puppy - really - turns out to have a name beginning with M that isn't Mike, Mark or Mikhail.

In related news, even the Mail can't bring itself to report what's really going on. All of which sums up why dogs are better than MSM journalists - at least dogs only lick their own genitals.

No, Femiloons Don't Oppose Rape Actually

Femiloons are enraged... actually, that's pretty much goes without saying. This time, they're specifically enraged! by coalition moves towards sexual equality.

What? Of course that's a fair summary. Hey, if the local council paying someone who does manual labour out in all weathers more than someone who does clerical work in a climate controlled office is The Sexism! (more women work inside than men, see), it surely is discriminatory for the courts to extend privileges to a mostly female demographic while denying them to a mostly male one.

Even back on Earth, it's hard to see what their problem is... Well, actually, it's perfectly easy to see what their problem is. As befits a bunch of bigoted nutcases, they truly believe that one of the lower orders offending a female in and off itself should be actionable. Unfortunately, that's proving to be a tough sale, so instead they claim they're really concerned about rape, and since all men are rapists, well, work it out for yourself....

Or get a man to do it, then claim you totally could have done it yourself if you weren't so oppressed.

The thing is though, if they really opposed rape, they'd be concentrating at least some of their fire on a demographic that really do commit a lot of rapes, namely rapists, but that never seems to happen.

This case is interesting for two reasons, firstly the sighting of the rare, but increasingly common, Victims of No Appearance. I guess it's further evidence for my Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy theory that knowledge of the offender automatically precludes knowledge of the victim and vice versa.

The other thing that's remarkable though is the sentence, or lack thereof:

A 'barbaric' robber who took part in the rape and torture of a young couple in their own home was jailed indefinitely today.

Gavin Gordon, 31, a drug addict who has a string of convictions for violence dating back more than ten years, was part of a gang that raped a 26-year-old woman in her home in Clapham, south London, while her boyfriend screamed as he was tortured in the next room.

I know what you're thinking: indefinite, huh? Sounds about right, throw the key away.

Except, in the Bizarro world of the courts, indefinite turns out to be kind of definite, after all:

[Gordon] must serve a minimum of nine years.

What are the odds, hey?

Just what do they think's going to happen in the next nine years to make this scumbag a worthwhile member of society? A visit from the Sociopathy Fairy? Or is it just another case of a headline-grabbing tough sentence that turns out to be pure leftist spin (meanwhile, apparently it's the right that's 'politicising the courts').

Here's a guy who's the worst of the worst. If femiloons were really opposed to rape, they'd want to make sure guys like this got meaningful sentences. Instead, a degenerate predator has got a slap on the wrist and providing he can face the terrible ordeal of a tribunal made up of the self-same type of liberal snivellers who refused to give him a proper sentence in the first place, he'll soon be back on the streets with years of active raping ahead of him. And the femiloons?

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ......

It's all too yawnerooney for them. They want the right to ruin the life of the boy next door on a whim, but their fellow liberals can all but fit a revolving door on the courts with nary a word.

Enriched Policing

Interesting exchange in the comments to this post, Lurker points out another attack by the fearsome Men of No Appearance gang.

But wait....I hear a squeaking from the corner. Mr Liberal would like to point out that it's early days and the law restricts what can be said about an ongoing investigation. Yes, indeed. Which is why you never see anything like this, via Rob.

....

Except when you do obviously. Say, what can be the difference between these two cases?

ANOM

....this being the opposite of a Man Of No Appearance.

Down in the comments to this post Lurker points out this case, where Asians 'yoofs' victimised...well, who knows? Apparently, they're Victims of No Appearance.

I guess it's a bit like the Ultimate Question & Answer in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, where knowledge of one automatically precludes knowledge of the other in the same universe. I guess we have the Men of No Appearance, or we have Victims of No Appearance.

Of course, it goes without saying that Asian or not, to the MSM, they'll always be 'Men of No Affiliation'.

Terror At 40,000 Feet, Insanity At Ground Level

Ross asks some good questions about the Boxer Shorts Bomber, but misses the key one: just what surreal excuse are the usual suspects going to come up with this time?

I don't think the whole 'isolated incident' thing is going to work this time. Come to think of it, it's not even an isolated incident of 'Apparel-Related Terrorism On A Trans-Atlantic Flight'.

Of course, the hipsters have already started up on 'Operation Snowjob' or, to put it another way, anyone know where this Man of No Affiliation came from originally? I think it came up on the TV once or twice, but I missed it in amongst all the shots of Lagos, people in traditional West African dress and Nwankwo Kanu scoring for Portsmouth.

Apparently, there were no casualties on the airliner, but the whole nation of Nigeria has been thrown under the bus. All of which proves the Victimhood Poker truly is the Rosetta Stone of politics. If this poor, misguided, young scallywag had spent his time in London indulging in recreational rapes and drug dealing, he'd have been a 'man from Central London' - a Man of No Appearance, in fact. But now the MSM are scrambling to throw sand in the public's eyes, and suddenly it's all Nigeria, all the time. Will no one think of the 'vast majority of peace-loving Nigerians'?

Moviegoer of No Appearance

Somehow, instinct tells me this guy probably wasn't from 'Leeds' so much as somewhere a few miles west of there... but wait: Mr Liberal would like to point that there's a ban on naming the defendant so the newspapers can't report any identifying characteristics. So there!

But her bearded 6ft 3in attacker was desperate for revenge, said Tim Capstick, prosecuting.

Oops. Guess it's only some identifying characteristics they're not reporting (although the beard strongly suggests another one of those Amish).

Who Knew The Men Of No Appearance Was A Franchise Operation?

Looks like they've opened a branch in New Zealand.

(H/T to Lurker)