Give The Money To The Monkeys

Animals as diverse as pigs, chimps and elephants have been observed binging on rotten fruits - showing a far greater appetite for the rotten food than for the corresponding fresh stuff. What it's all about ? Just this - they're getting blasted: the fruit ferments, the elephant gobbles it up and now you've got a pissed pachyderm.

Needless to say, the Neo-Prohibitionists wouldn't approve. Even now, they're probably a few of them out there trying to shakedown a quango for the dosh to run seminars on the dangers of booze at Chester Zoo. Here's hoping the chimps throw faeces at them - it is no more than they deserve. It turns out that, for all the Neo-Prohibs fairy tales about hooch horrors, booze is brain food. While Cheetah is revving up his synapses, the Neo-Prohibs are thrashing about trying to pull a rescue hypothesis out of their tragically stunted brains - 'ooh, ooh, I know lets say "these new cells could contribute to the development of alcohol dependence." - that'll hold them.' Alcohol dependance ? How about dependance on promoting a perverted life deathstyle long after evidence has started piling up about the negative effects of sobriety ? Consider, for example, the correlation between sobriety and poverty. Yet, still these people try to infect others with their sickness.

How's this for a double whammy: the Neo-Prohibs pay far less tax than drunks, both directly and as a result of the type of poorly-paid careers they end up in, and now we find that they're prey to health problems which makes them more likely to soak the NHS. Yet what does the government do ? It allows itself to be mau-maued into giving these Nazi vampire freaks even more of our cash so that they can try and indoctrinate vulnerable young children into their twisted, Satanic cult. The hell with that. Let these fascist zombies starve in the gutter. If we're going to throw money away, at least give it to our little forest mates. What'd you rather have your taxes spent on ? Some lemon-sucking repressed paedophiles or drunk chimps ?

Exactly.