Girl's Night Out (Of Their Head)

The Beeb's 'If…' series of documentaries is fast becoming Liberalism's Mad Woman in the Attic. Ignore the ludicrous scenarios, keep a sickbag handy for the clonking recital of Liberal platitudes, and you can see that the series has the redeeming value of giving a perfect insight into the true nature of modern Liberalism.

The latest effusion featured the Beeb hypothesising (fantasising would be a better word) about a future, female-dominated world. A succession of power-dressed alpha females paraded across the screen, occasionally interspersed with men who shave once a week, if you get my drift. As ever, the Beeb's argument relied on nutty extrapolation, wild leaps of faith and just plain weird sociological theorising.

Although on the surface an exercise in Feminazi triumphalism, it nevertheless summed up better than P J O'Rourke could have what exactly is wrong with Liberalism. In one scene a government minister is opening a new, super-dupper, mega-nursery thingy. She tells the crowd that 'child care is not a private arrangement but the beginning of socialisation and education' - a clearer statement of Liberal Fascism nature would be hard to find.

Similarly, the Minister's Big Idea for child care also revealed a lot about Liberal prejudices - she wanted to recruit all graduate nursery staff. Say what ? 'You're great at writing essays, so you're just the person to look after kids'. Is there any reason, other than blind snobbery, why this should be thought a good idea ? The Beeb, being the Beeb, didn't feel the need to explain - as ever, the truly enlightened just knew that that was true. Equally well thought out was the Minister's desire to both raise wages for carers massively, and make child care affordable. You can do both together, but someone's got to pay for it. The Beeb didn't feel the need to go into who exactly.

The main value in this strand of documentaries was always seeing the intellectual train wreck of modern Liberalism unfold on the screen, most of all the sight of alleged front rank Liberals performing intellectual Hari-Kari. My personal fave was Oona King MP claiming that the hours Parliament worked prevented talented people becoming MPs - well, you said it, dear.

Still, that reminds me of my major beef with the whole deal. King claims Parliament works too many hours - could that have anything to do with Ms King and her fellow travellers pathological desire to regulate everything in the world ? The programme didn't ask. They never ask, instead Liberal clichés are spewed forth as unarguable truths. Talking heads complained about lack of workplace nurseries - but is this even a good form of child care ? You can think mothers should go back to work straight from the maternity ward without being enthusiastic about that concept - but no, no dissent was allowed to puncture that particular bubble. Or any other.

In fact, the whole programme had seemed at times to be the result of some kind of Children In Need style sponsored clichéfest. In the Beeb's Never-Never Land, women don't carry out a variety of tasks in a single day, instead they…… no, it's too horrible to say. But, Ladies, please - if you want more respect, learn to speak for more than two minutes without using the J-word, m'kay ? Similarly, women apparently do better in the modern workplace because there's no longer any formal beginning and end to the day. Let's not even think about that, except to note that it's a possible explanation for the dominance of women in firewfighting, police work, surgery, the armed forces and countless other professions where clocking-off has always had a flexible meaning. Yada, yada, yada. Femindroids complained about 'men in suits' who 'network on the golf course' and are obsessed with rigid hierarchies. It really was perfect fodder for buzzword bingo, as various hags paraded across the screen angrily denouncing men as sub-human dolts, while merely revealing the complete lack of original thought in modern Liberalism.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, the programme learned into a bizarre sociobiological slant: men are doomed because the Y-chromosome is picking up a few mutations. Hello ? Then, to follow that piece of chop logic, they pointed out that sperm counts are dropping. Never mind that these figures are debatable, what exactly does that have to do with the price of fish ? If reproduction is the mark of a good leader, does that mean Elizabeth I was a terrible monarch ? At what precise point would sperm production be to low for a bloke to be an effective manger ? And does this apply to barren women ? If not, why not ? Given that the L3 can be guaranteed to freak when people talk about the genetic basis of IQ, there was a certain degree of humbug on display here.

The programme then lurched into a parallel universe, complaining about the 'male-dominated' conflict in Ulster' Say what ? Not only have there been plenty of distaff tangos, but all the evidence seems to be that in the general Ulster population the women are crazier than the men. But that was an giveaway to the real line the BBC was trying to push.

The programme wasn't actually a boy/girl thing, rather it was a Liberal/nasty people thing. A female US President wanted to end the WoT by initiating dialogue - as though the possibility of a woman becoming President wasn't one of the reasons the Islamofascists hate America in the first place. The central hate figure was a career woman who neglected her family so she could climb the corporate ladder. Boo capitalism! One of the talking heads looked forward to the day when 'empathy was as important as reading a balance sheet' - presumably the scriptwriters won't mind losing their pensions on the stock market providing the fund manager really feels their pain (the Dot.Com boom having proven, once and for all, how unimportant the balance sheet is). The Beeb was really talking about a Liberal fantasy land: Bin Laden just have some unresolved issues, you can pay nursery staff £1000 a week and still have affordable child care and people can become tippity-top entrepreneurs while still having sixteen hours a day free with their families. This wasn't a documentary, this was a graphic warning of the dangers of drinking the bong water.