The Tories New Target Demographic: Martians

In a deft attempt to quash those pesky drug rumours, Raffles the Gentleman Thug has been speculating publicly on what Martians might think about the EU. I guess this must be what they mean about going green ?

There’s no word as yet as to whether Cameron will be welcoming Martian input any on other matters. Why not ? After all, we let the Law Lords make the law up as they go along, and they’re not even from this universe.

Mind you, even a visiting Martian should have enough grasp of history not to fal for Cameron’s line on the EU. Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but anyway it’s like this….

In one of his most important speeches since becoming Tory leader, Mr Cameron will signal the start of a new engagement by his party with Europe, reforming it from the inside so that it moves from uniformity to diversity and from being an inward-facing bureaucracy to an outward-facing association of states. It would be one which devotes its energies to matters such as global warming, world poverty and creating a dynamic economy.

Every PM since Heath has tried that. Right now it’s a toss-up whether Cameron is just another sleazy Tory federist or a complete idiot. Either way, the chances of anything actually changing are approximately zero.

Critics of the EU are often libelled as anti-European, but how arrogant do you have to be to actually buy what Cameron’s selling ? Apparently, the Continent is full of deluded idiots just waiting for the British to point out the error of their ways and lead them to a bold, new future. Ah yes.

Memo to deluded Tories: the EU is the way the EU is cause that’s the way the EUtopians like it. Take the bureaucracy: that’s the way the Continentals run their governments and always have done. Leaving aside the absurdity of Cameron posing as the enemy of Big Government, the Continentals ain’t going to overturn their whole system of government no matter how nicely we ask. In so far as the Tory position boils down to the belief that the EU will become the next America, if only they’ll let the British run it, it sounds rather like something dreamed up by ‘fruitcakes, loonies and closet racists’.