Dafydd Squeaks Speaks Out

Alan Duncan has quit the Conservative leadership race saying its "moralising wing" could condemn it to oblivion.

As opposed to Al, who represents the ‘no morals at all’ wing.

Mr Duncan, the only openly gay Tory MP, told the Times: "Our Achilles heel has been our social attitude. We should... allow people to live as they choose...

Yes, indeed. No more lynching of air stewards. No more making hairdressers sit at the back of the bus. No more ‘straights only’ housing estates.

But wait….that doesn’t happen.

If the 'Tory Taleban' can't get that they'll condemn us all to oblivion.

Let’s clear this up for Al: the Taliban buried homosexuals alive, the Tory Right just thinks we shouldn’t be spending public money on ‘Gay History Month’. This isn’t moral equivalence, this is moral imbecility.

Announcing his withdrawal to The Times, Mr Duncan said: "Censorious judgmentalism from the moralising wing, which treats half our countrymen as enemies, must be rooted out.

Quick – someone call the Irony Police. We have a complaint about moral judgementalism from someone who compares his opponents to a group of bloodthirsty totalitarian fanatics and calls for them to be ‘rooted out’.

It’s all very well Al claiming that morality is sooooo Twentieth Century, but it sure still seems to affect him. The mere thought that grandmothers in Hull don’t necessarily approve of promiscuous man sex sends him over the edge. This is what Al really means when he talks about allowing ‘people to live as they choose...’ – he means the exact opposite.

That’s the irony right there – propaganda to the contrary, the average Conservative in Huddersfield isn’t demanding his lifestyle be imposed on smug Metropolitan ponces like Al. On the contrary, it’s Al and his like who boil over with rage at the thought of people living alternative lifestyles. There’s no comparison between the (minimal) rhetoric of the Right on lifestyle issues and the kind of bulging-eyed hatred that emanates from Al when he thinks about people in Wales reading the Bible.

Of course, on those moments when Al talks on subjects above the waistline, it becomes all too obvious why he does it so rarely.

We should turn our indignation at poor education into a fundamental review that asks what we should teach and how we should teach it.

Hey – let’s reorganise again. That’ll do it. Of all the reasons offered for the high rates of illiteracy, probably the least compelling is that there are people who think we shouldn’t teach it. Or is that not what he meant ?

Then again, at least there’s an almost coherent thought there. What exactly does this mean ?

Why are we talking so little of foreign affairs and social cohesion at a time when it is shaming for us not to have a single Muslim MP?

See, that’s classic Al. His statement doesn’t actually make any sense, except in so far as it smears Tories as bigots. It’s technically true that there aren’t any Muslim MPs but he can’t hardly be unaware of Muslim influence on the Party. A Party where an official can say this without being fired is hardly too harsh on the Ummah.

This kind of slippery smear is worthy of the Guardian or the BBC, but it’s pretty much par for the course for Al. Indeed, there are members of the Cabinet who haven’t attacked the Conservative Party as often as Alan Duncan. His career has been one long sustained whine, yet what is his problem ? Everyone who opposes him is a bigot, yet why exactly would anyone want to support him ? What vision does he offer ? What contribution does he make ? Nada. Just a nasty, snarling, narcissistic, buffoon, endlessly demanding that people swoon over every vacuous statement. That’s the final irony right there: who’d have guessed that the Conservatives’ ‘only only openly gay MP’ would turn out to be such a perfect example of the stereotype whiny queen ?