Pitch Invasion

One of the defining characteristics of the Liberal is that he is plagued by the constant fear that someone, somewhere is outside the reach of government . For proof of this, look no further than the latest deranged idea to emerge from the Clown Payment Service oops, I mean Crown Prosecution Service.

Yes, indeed. With law and order collapsing around their ears, CPS has decided the real danger is from footballers. No more will the public have to walk in fear of being mugged by Frank Lampard, or burgled by Steven Gerrard. But wait…. it turns out that the law already covers sportsmen in their normal lives. You can go to the bank, free of the fear of Ledley King bursting in with a sawn-off shotgun.

CPS claim to be worried that sportsmen are committing acts of violence that would be illegal in other contexts. Well, that just about wraps it up for Ricky Hatton. Perhaps sensing that this line of argument is kind of weak, Liberals have resorted to one of their favourite tactics: the insane yet offensive analogy:

Nazir Afzal compared the FA's reluctance to address the issue with Asian communities where police encountered silence over so called "honour killings".
"They prefer silence to dialogue and it would appear to me that the football community is like one of those communities," said Mr Afzal, a CPS regional director.

Yes, indeed. A heavy tackle at Anfield is exactly like murdering your daughter because she has the wrong boyfriend. For the benefit of the hard of thinking, I’ll spell it out: murder is a serious offence; a reasonable level of violence on the pitch is part of the game of football. The irony goes a little deeper though – when it comes to murder, CPS is notorious for letting scumbags plead down to manslaughter, thereby evading the mandatory life sentence. Killing people CPS is flexible about, but go in with the studs showing and it’s zero tolerance. But let’s not let the insanity of the basic point obscure its arrogance. The football authorities ‘prefer silence to dialogue’ ? Like, really ? This is like a mugger complaining that his victim isn’t prepared to sit down and talk about the most effective way for him to steal their wallet. A more blatant example of Liberal fascism you could not conceive of. What justification can these creeps claim for this outrage ? Ah yes – that one, cliché no 1, the most exalted of insane Liberal talking points: IT’S FORDA CHILDRUUUUUUUUUUUUN.

It is important that we demonstrate that those involved in sport demonstrate the highest standards because children watch it and learn from it.

Most Liberal ideas fall apart on closer examination – this one doesn’t even make sense to begin with. Here’s this tosser earlier in the self-same speech:

Footballers and rugby players in particular were warned that prosecutors would be looking more actively at bringing charges against them for acts of aggression during or immediately after games.

Ah yes – rugger: not a game known to shy away from on-pitch violence. Hence why rugby matches are so notorious for crowd violence, referees are constantly being abused and junior rugby teams are known to be so much worse behaved than their footy counterparts. But wait… none of that happens. It’s almost as if CPS is talking garbage.

Nope – this plan is judicial imperialism in its purest form. These proposals combine the politics of envy, mindless grandstanding and gesture politics while diverting resources away from the actual, legitimate business of the CPS. In years to come, students will study this proposal as the very epitome of Nu Labour.