Social Workers Could Really Show The Army How To Neglect Its Duty Of Care

Having slagged off the Army below, let me make amends by offering my expert advice on how to get out of their Deepcut hole: hire some social workers. After all, sexual abuse, violence and avoidable deaths are par for the course for the average social services department, yet they get away with it alright. While the Army is searching for the right candidates, here's some things they could learn from the Beardy-Weirdies right now.

Claim That Your Complete Incompetence Means You Need More Resources: no one knows why Liberals interpret utter failure as grounds for more of the same, but they surely do.

Say That It Was A Failure Of Procedures Not People: Needless to say, some pesky RWDB will insist on asking whose job it is to execute the procedures if not people, but they should be encouraged. Any suggestion of personal responsibility will repel the Left so much they'll naturally rally to your cause.

Demand A Multiagency Approach: This is Liberalese for 'blame the Filth', so naturally they'll go for it.

Claim You're Victims Of A Tabloid Conspiracy: The merest suggestion that the Sun is opposed to abuse of recruits will be enough to bring 40% of L3 to your side.

State That You Can't Discuss Individual Cases: Since every case is, by definition, an individual case this means you can float around issuing abstract bromides rather than deal with embarrassing facts.

But most of all:

Remember to claim that "lessons were learned".