The Gospel According To St Marx

Say what you like about the Church of England, it may have long ago jumped the shark, but at least it won't rest on its laurels. It's forever seeking out new and better ways to cleanse itself of every last iota of sanity. Today's news marks a particular high point:

Church of England harvest festival services could soon expect worshippers not only to thank God for an abundant crop but also to repent for sins against the environment and for oppression and inequality.

Congregations which traditionally gather around piles of bread, fruit and vegetables to sing "We plough the fields and scatter" will be asked to acknowledge their "selfishness in not sharing the earth's bounty fairly". They may also apologise for "our failure to protect resources for others" and for "inequality and oppression in the earth".

Has Chairman Mao been hired as a consultant or what ? Compulsory self-criticism sessions all round. Of course where the weasel runt of cultural Marxism is present, its idiot half-brother ecofreakery can't be far away:

One section reads: "For all those who depend on the earth for their daily food and fuel, whose forests are destroyed for the profit of a few, Lord we pray.

It's true. Rich people cut down forests all the time, then keep all the wood in the cellars of their big mansions so no poor people can have any. That explains why church pews are always made of plastic. Still, even these freaks have enough marbels left to recognise that you can take Marxism too far:

The Church rejected a move yesterday to pay all clergy of whatever rank the same salary, that of an ordinary parish priest.

The private members' motion argued that all future bishops, deans and archdeacons should be paid just over £18,000 a year.

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, whose salary exceeds £60,000, voted in favour but the motion was easily defeated.

Hooray for the deserving rich!